Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
