I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
