I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
