You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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