all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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