how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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