i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
