I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
