What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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