either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
