Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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