why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You made out with two different species that night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
