She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
