Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
