Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
