bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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