i just wanna soil my oats bro
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
