Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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