Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
