is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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