you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
