My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
