and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
