I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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