I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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