I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
