My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
