I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
