it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
