Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
