Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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