Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
