I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
