Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
