If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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