when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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