Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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