good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
