One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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