he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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