im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
