So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
