i permit you to call me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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