You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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