So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
