Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
