Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
