The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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