I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
