dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
