i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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