are you so shy because you have an std?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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