i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
