are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
