The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
