It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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