i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
