I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
