I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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